After our long journey, we woke up about lunchtime the following day. Half asleep, I reach for my phone and of course, check facebook.
No connection.
I start blindly bashing retry until I notice there’s no H symbol. In fact, there’s no internet symbol AT ALL.
Restart. Still nothing. It was fine last night.
In my defence, I wasn’t fully awake, but I did what any person with an issue in the 21st century does – I tried to Google it.
It’s been a long time since I physically rolled my eyes at myself..

Wide awake now, even worse, I’m borderline panicking. How do you survive in the middle of nowhere with no information? No maps. No translation.
FAK.

I start texting my most helpful friend (I’m talking legendary-level helpful) who says there’s no known issues and no contact issues but sends me the helpline number for THREE.
After 3 long calls to THREE… they are having network issues in Spain and are hoping to resolve the issue by 4pm – seems fine.

It was 9pm before our data connection returned! Obviously we were relieved, but there’s day one gone to sunshine and sangria and no work completed.
Wait, yeah that’s fine. That is FINE!

Now we need some real internet. House internet. Broadband. We had already researched it a fair amount before we moved. The main issue being that you need a Spanish bank account to set up the internet and you have to be here in person to open an account. (More info on banks later – that’s a big one!)

Firstly, all the good internet providers only do 12 month contacts. We’re only here for 6 months. You can get month-by-month dongles but they are all capped, usually at 5GB or something silly – no good for us.

Secondly, our backup plan was to just tether our phones. We purposefully took out new phone contracts with THREE before we left. We both wanted to keep our UK numbers as we have almost exclusively UK-based work clients. 12GB data, 600 mins, unlimited texts – anywhere in the EU for £15 a month, no roaming charges. Each. Brilliant!
Almost. Except on day two when I’m trying to hotspot to connect my PS4, laptop and PC to watch Netflix, play games and do some work – all the fundamental parts of my life – and I’m met with CONNECTION REFUSED. CONNECTION REFUSED. CONNECTION REFUSED.

Back to troubleshooting on Google. At least that worked this time. What THREE had failed to tell us in the store is that they’ve blocked all tethering capabilities abroad and you can only roam for 60 consecutive days. After that they’ll disconnect your sim card.
Wow. We have 52 days left.
52 days of not being able to play games or do any work. And then are they going to expect us to pay the rest of the contract after they cut us off?! Probably. I won’t.

So actually we’re a bit screwed currently. We’ll be moving to Estepona in December anyway (more on that in another post) and things will get easier.

Did I mention that sangria is €1.30 a litre (7%) and that it’s currently 27°C here? Who needs games and work!

TLDR – Our internet options are all useless but we’re just going to get drunk!

Coming soon – cooking, cats and expensive cheeses!